Carolyn's Daily Posts: 2011

September 14, 2011

Discipline Results From Expressing Positive Expectations


CAROLYN’S DAILY POSTS: 2011

DISCIPLINE RESULTS FROM

EXPRESSING POSITIVE EXPECTATIONS

     I’ve seen many parents who, out of fear that their child won’t love them, will not discipline the child. Unfortunately, the goal of parenting should not be to earn the child’s love by not taking their position of parent, but to create responsible, moral, adults. In an ironic fashion, this, rather than befriending the child, is the way to earn the love of child.

     Many parents also cannot differentiate punishment and discipline. Punishment relies on external forces to create positive behaviors, and leads to problems when the child is old enough to challenge the punishment. Discipline leads to the child developing internal controls and will end up in better lasting positive behaviors.

     Discipline relies on an attitude of legitimate authority, according to John Rosemond, whose comments below enhance the post (linked below) that I wrote on discipline versus punishment.

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The attitude in question consists of four qualities: You act like you know (1) what you’re doing, (2) why you’re doing it, (3) what you want, and (4) that the child is going to do what you want. It’s an attitude of positive expectation. Without that attitude, no method is going to work for long.

With that attitude, you won’t need methods.

While talking with an older friend of mine about his childhood, I asked him what methods his parents used to bring about his obedience. He thought for a moment and said, “There were no methods; the expectation was perfectly clear.” That’s it.

That’s why, for example, I maintain that “Because I said so” is a legitimate expression of parental authority. First, it’s the truth. Second, it’s perfectly clear. The act of explaining one’s instructions to one’s child usually conveys insecurity. Explaining is a form of pleading. It is not consistent with an authoritative attitude. As such, it usually results in arguments and disobedience. From that perspective, there is no such thing as an argumentative child; there are only parents who open wide the door to argument.*

     Ultimately, it is the parent who is in charge. And guess what? Your child will still love you!

SOURCE

 *http://pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/lifestyles/family/s_756376.html

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ADDITIONAL READING:

ARE YOU PUNISHING OR DISCIPLINING YOUR CHILD?

Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath

CHILD ABUSE DEFINITIONS

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